Tips for Helping Your Adult Children Cope With Your Illinois Divorce
The divorce rate among those over 50 has skyrocketed in the past several years compared to decades ago. This is partly due to the fact that people are living longer in general, and they want to enjoy the time they have left instead of being in a toxic or loveless relationship. In addition, many couples who are unhappy may put off filing for divorce until their kids are grown. They think their children may be better equipped to handle the news later in life. However, this is not always realistic. Although younger kids may have a more difficult time understanding the reasons why mom and dad are splitting up, older children may suffer just as much emotional trauma. Questioning everything they thought to be true, older kids may have trouble accepting their parents’ divorce.
Honesty Is the Best Policy
Telling your children that you and your spouse are getting a divorce is not going to be easy, even if you both came to the decision mutually after careful consideration. If you went to marriage counseling over the years, your kids may still be shocked at the news. Although they may have suspected you had problems, deep down they had hoped for a reconciliation and a long future together.
Here are a few practical tips for helping your adult children adjust to your divorce:
- Tell the children at the same time. Set a time and a place when you can all sit down together as a family so all of your kids find out at the same time. This way, no one feels left out of this important discussion and they can lean on each other for support.
- Consider how the divorce is going to affect their lives. Be prepared to answer important questions regarding holidays and college tuition, as well as keeping family traditions. They may also want to know if you plan on dating again or remarrying in the future. Keep the lines of communication open so they know they can approach either of you down the road.
- Avoid placing blame. Do not say that it is your spouse’s fault for causing the divorce, as this can alienate the children from one parent. Putting them in the middle is extremely painful for children, regardless of their ages. Older children may also blame themselves, so reassure them that this is not their fault, the problems in your marriage are between you and your spouse.
- Expect sadness and anger. It is important to give your children permission to be sad or angry. You must be prepared to accept their reactions without getting upset yourself. Part of their frustration may come from the fact that you are splitting after so many years together. They may also question their entire childhood and upbringing. Be honest and tell the truth, that you are simply not happy together anymore but reinforce how much you love them and always will.
Contact a Rolling Meadows Divorce Attorney
Getting divorced can be difficult on the entire family, including adult children who often experience a range of emotions. An accomplished Inverness divorce lawyer can help you sort out what is important during the legal proceedings so you can focus on the transition. Attorney Nicholas W. Richardson has handled all types of divorce cases and understands the challenges that can be involved in ending your marriage, even if you have grown children. To arrange a free consultation, call us today at 847.873.6741.